My Lovely Lady Lumps....

So yesterday started out exciting! I had meetings all day at work and then my first night of Parent Teacher Conferences which meant a full day of school and trying to act like I know what I'm doing.

Well, those plans took a SLIGHT detour when I woke up at about 4:45 with the worst possible pain I have ever felt EVER. I tried to just lay there but I knew I was going to die. So I crawled (too painful to stand) around my room until I found suitable clothing, crawled to the bathroom to vomit, crawled up the stairs to beg my dad to take me to the ER before I imploded.

We got there and checked in about an hour later (the crawling kinda took a while) and I had to explain my symptoms to about 8 different people. Intense, serious, stabbing, blinding pain in my lower abdomen. No, I don't have a damn fever just give me the morphine drip. There is more blinding pain and almost blacking out before/during/after a urine sample in the middle but it's all running together... So after one smiley doctor (I had the morphine by this point and was smiley as well!) pushed and prodded my stomach to see which spot would get the loudest cry of pain, he ordered an external AND an internal ultrasound. Yes, the internal IS as bad as it sounds, maybe worse. Prognosis? Lumps. More lumps for Amanda. I have a 5 c.m. cyst on my right ovary which either leaked or twisted or something that seriously tried to kill me from the inside out.

I have the lumpiest body ever. And not Fergie's lovely lady lumps, (although I do have some of those) and not even the cottage cheesy thigh kinda lumps (although I have those too). I'm talking internal medical lumps.

So they want to watch it for the next little bit and see what happens to it and then another doctor will decide what I should do. He says most likely it will go away on it's own but seriously if that thing twists or leaks one more time I'm just going to rip it out myself. Somehow.

Has anyone ever heard the Bryan Regan part about going to the ER? I kept thinking of that when I was there. Especially because I did say my pain was an 8 (9 belonging to childbirth and 10 belonging to broken femurs) and I indeed wanted to share the 8 with others when I was pumped full of drugs. If you haven't seen it, I perscribe that you see it soon and then this whole paragraph will make much more sense.