Sad, sorry truth...

So I realized the truth about myself today. It started in our Math and Literature class when I couldn't pay attention and was playing with math manipulatives. I had made a huge tower when it crashed and everyone looked at me. Not a big deal, but I had gone ballistic on a student about 4 hours before that for doing the same thing while I was teaching. Then I looked around and realized that I had spilled Diet Coke on my shirt, I had dropped a dry-erase marker on my pants, and I had actually STAPLED MY HAND a few hours earlier.

This is what lead me to my epiphany... I'm a moron.

Yes, I'm smart. I feel like I was raised to be an intelligent woman. But seriously, there is no correlation between my book-smarts and my self-smarts. Further evidence:

- I trip over EVERYTHING. One day I tripped over a student and actually gave him a bloody nose.

- I spill everything. My chest (which unfortunately sometimes counter-acts as a shelf) CONSTANTLY has food on it because I can't get it from my plate to my mouth.

-I say stupid things. No explanation needed. You all are aware of this.

-I STAPLED MY HAND TODAY.

-I lose things. One day before I left school I searched my classroom for about 5 minutes looking for my phone before I left. Oh, wait, I was TALKING ON MY PHONE.

-I don't think before I speak. While creating new jobs for my class this week I actually started to name one BORDER PATROL (to clean the outer edges of my room) when my class is 50% Mexican and probably are or have parents who are illegal.

-I signed up, and paid $100-ish for the PRAXIS test and then FORGOT to show up to take it. So I had to pay again.

-Most of my history at Snow College (Legacy 2 boys, the boys from Northern Idaho College, burning my lab partner, etc.)

-I get tangled up in my own feet while playing Dance Dance Revolution and actually fall over.

-I have managed to get a golf club SO LODGED in my bra while twirling it like a baton (and I was on a blind date) that it actually just swung there until I could stop laughing and pull it out. (Remember that, Ash??)

-I smacked myself in the eye with my work badge this week in front of a woman who already thinks I'm a moron and she couldn't stop laughing.

-I was cheering SO HARD as an Echelon at the (Granger? Maybe?) Football game that I punched myself in the face. Really, really hard.

I'm sure you all came to this realization, oh, about 10 minutes after meeting me, but I always thought I was super awesome. But today I was compared to a fairly incompetent fellow teacher and started thinking that I kind of struggle sometimes!

I even discussed this with my brother tonight who summed it up with his infinite wisdom:

Sometimes I'm such a COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS moron, it makes me kind of awesome.

Thank you.

Oops! Got a little ahead of myself...

I was SO EXCITED to post my first blog that I got a little story-happy with last night. So let me just preface this by saying that I DO NOT have an exciting life. I teach 3rd grade and it has consumed pretty much all of my time, money, energy, and sanity. I LOVE my class. I teach in the heart of Kearns and my kids are thugs and headed on a path to crime, but I love them. Most of my posts will be about them.

I'm also single, which is also consuming the remaining part of my energy and sanity. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the way my life is right now. I'm perfectly happy. However, I omit some pheromone that ONLY attracts crazies. I only wish I were joking. So I hope you enjoy, but keep your expectations low for entertainment value!

You can find me in the club... bottle full of bub.

Driving home. NOT happy.
This was at like 7:30, so still VERY happy!

The view from our table.

Oh mercy. Clubs.

So Misti (Miss Larson) from work and I bought tickets to go see the one and only Tyrese. Yes, Tyrese. Think back to 9th grade promotion and region dances and chances are you danced with a hottie to the song Sweet Lady. He also played in the cinema masterpiece that was 2 Fast 2 Furious, which, don't hate, is one of my guilty pleasures. So we've been pumped about this for weeks. All day Friday when I'd come in from recess duty there would be a note on my white board with the countdown until the show. (Good think most of my kids can't read to save their lives.) I had to go to class that night, but I busted out at 6:30 and headed to Misti's to change out of my hoodie I'd worn to work (yes, I do wear hoodies. Go public education!) and redo my makeup to go to the show.

We got to The Depot at about 7, but the doors didn't open until about 8. So we waited outside until some dude let us wait in the lobby. Yes, we were 3rd in line. The line starts getting PACKED with the skankiest girls I've seen in my life. Honey, it's FEBRUARY. A mini-skirt and tube top? Not a good choice. Mist and I were wearing DOUBLE the clothing of every other girl in there.

A few minutes before 8, the dude says that Tyrese got in late and wanted to do a sound check so we had to wait until 8:30. They let us in at about 8:45. We headed in and got a table (oh yes, I thought a skank was trying to race me to a table so I ran. Oh how I ran.) RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE!!! Oh yes. Have you seen Tyrese? I would have paid to just let him stand there. So we both get drinks which taste AWFUL (the lady apparently made some comment that if I would add alcohol to my Diet Coke it would probably take the taste away of the bad syrup) and waited.

10 rolls around and the opening band comes out. 5 R&B artists who sing songs that sound like romance novels with Fabio on the cover. 11 rolls around and some girl wearing not much more than a bra (she did have some awesome boots on, though) came out and lip synched to something. I wasn't paying attention. The best part is that WE WERE AGAINST THE STAGE. Right there. In front. So close we could see when the drunk 50 year old woman totally grabbed the package of one of the R&B dudes. HILARIOUS.

Midnight rolls around and still no Tyrese. Misti and I have drunk Asian girls trying to get their freak on by our left side, and two drunk he/shes on our right side. And some chick DJ is trying to dance on stage and isn't realizing that she looks ridiculous and most people are making fun of her or too drunk to notice.

1 a.m. rolls around and still nothing. I break for the bathroom and when I get out I see Misti waiting by the stairs. TYRESE ISN'T EVEN AT THE CLUB. Nope, didn't show. And they didn't tell us. She found out from some 7 foot tall Amazon woman who had talked to someone she knew at the club and then asked the bouncer. No Tyrese. So we left before they announced it to the club and had to walk through the Gateway and the parking garage at 1 am to get to our car.

Now, I don't frequent the club scene. And last night was a perfect example of why not. People are disgusting. The smell of booze is disgusting. And drunk girls trying to dance with me and calling me "baby girl" is disgusting. I was happy to get home and shower, although I think I'll have to burn my copy of 2 Fast.